09 March 2010

Feeling Concerned and Powerless

I'm very concerned about Lanee. She sent me a letter in November, and she sounded sad but okay. Her son Michael passed away 11 October 2009. He was her companion and her twin essence, and I don't think she is handling things very well.

She visited with her other son in Tennessee for awhile, so I sent her a long letter, actually 2, as I take so long to send it I wrote another. I posted it to Tennessee in early Feb, I think, and now got another, very despondent letter from her, from NJ, where it doesn't seem she got my letter at all.

I have this knot in my stomach. Since receiving her letter in November ( one of the triggers for my spiritual re-awakening) I have been thinking of her constantly. For the first time in years I had this overwhelming urge to see her again, and this fear that she will be passing on soon as well.

She's 75, so by no means a spring chicken, and it sounds like she is so tired of this life. I can so identify with being tired with life, but I don't want her to go anywhere.

I might not see her, but just knowing she is in this world has been one thing that has saved me so many times.I want her to meet Arno and I want her to meet Caitlin. She can't go yet. There's so much I want to do with her. I sometimes hate this physical reality.

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