20 January 2012

So many things... so little time

I'm just gonna write and hope you all catch up with me ( my invisible thousands of non-existent readers )

Reminder: I am not a writer.

I struggle to express myself in words. Which makes for difficult communication, but I like to think this will improve with practice.

So this is where I am currently:

  1. Had a great holiday ( working on a separate post for that)
  2. Have found some really awesome funny people online ( should have their own post)
  3. Have even managed to find South Africans who seem like minded ( need to confirm that and will get back to you on it)
  4. Have realised I have a horrible memory ( wrote about 10 posts in my head I have forgotten)
  5. Learned the value of writing things down in to do lists ( If I don't forget)
  6. Have started using Twitter again - https://twitter.com/#!/Psycho_Chocolat - (WARNING not for family members or anyone else easily offended)
  7. Have realised I'm getting used to people being pissed off at me, and it's not so bad.

I think I am actually pretty Happy and content at the moment, although life would be so much simpler if I had 5 more hours a day :)

What I would like to address is the Michael Teachings. I have been asked, ( ...mostly by myself I admit) Where do I put a spiritual teaching, and one viewed as pretty New Aged and Wack-a-doodle into my new found level of Agnostic-Atheism.

Is it double standards to keep pointing out to others the silliness of believing in an invisible Daddy in the sky, while I believe in a disembodied entity from beyond who spread's it's superior teachings via various channels? hmmmm Yes. That would be duplicitous. Or two-faced. Or Double Standards

I don't see the M teachings as that anymore. I think a lot of people do still see it as that, and they are free to interpret it to their liking.

I'm starting to rather see most of it as a body of interesting work that explains a lot about human psychology and social interaction. I believe that it comes from a heightened state of concentration brought about by someone going into a super relaxed trance state while channeling.

I like the tone of it. The fact that none of it is supposed to be purely believed without challenge, (Validate Validate Validate) and I like how it has helped me cope with stress, depression and life in general, and relationships in specific.

I'm not sure how I feel about the afterlife parts of it. Right now I would Love to believe in life after this, but I feel it is mostly improbable. That doesn't prevent me from speculating about it.

This is still a Journey to me. I know that religion can also be used for good, but unfortunately lately I see the bad outweighing the good. Even the M-Teachings have been used for power struggles.

Seems someone always wants to be better than someone else. I'll continue thinking about it, and let you know if it all changes for me again.

18 January 2012


I was sooo totally going to write a blog post today, but then Wikipedia and some other sites I was doing research on were off...so I guess I can't. Why is that you ask? Or you don't ask cause you know ..

This is why:

Some interesting tidbits from around the web about these two:

And a YouTube favourite, for those who don't feel like reading:

Who is that interesting young lady you ask? Well I'll tell you soon :)

pRaising Children

I came to some really significant realisations about myself and about my family during this December holiday. I don't want to overwhelm and bore you all to death so this might be a multi-part series ( although we all know how I suck with following up with those) So let's just see how it goes.

First one: I'm much too concerned about pleasing people, and being liked. No matter how much I tell myself I have worked out my self esteem issues, it's still there.

This was such an epiphany that it seemed to have shocked me into getting over it. There's still a bit of it left, and I honestly don't think I will ever be able to completely let go of that need for approval, but it has made me especially aware of not creating the same in my daughter.

I've been reading up a lot about self esteem ( she seems okay there)
But there's one area ( the need to please, or to receive praise) that I might have messed up a bit. Apparently it is not a good idea to just keep praising your child for everything

*insert surprised face*"It's Not?"

I've been the queen of "Good Job" "Awesome" "You're so clever" OOPS.

That is what creates the need to please. It apparently teaches the child that he/she needs outside approval in order to feel validated, instead of an intrinsic sense of accomplishment.

So how does one remedy it? Can it be remedied? I immediately went off to Google some more and read a few articles. What is helpful is to remember the following, Always comment on what you SEE, and ask questions. Get really involved in a conversation.

So instead of the usual "Good Job" I will say,
"Wow I see you used so many different colours in your picture today",
"What is that?",
"Tell me more about your picture",
"I can see you enjoyed doing that",
" You did it"

It's been a bit difficult to remember, and I have to really THINK about it. But at the moment my daughter is way too invested in what I say about what she does for it to be healthy, so I hope our new approach will have a positive effect soon.

Here are some articles you might be interested in on the subject:

Five Reasons to stop saying Good Job by Alfie Kohn ( has some nice tips on what to do instead)
Don't Praise your Children from The Power of Prime, The cluttered mind uncluttered, by Jim Taylor, Ph.D.

It is quite amazing to think the more self aware I become the better I can adjust and adapt my parenting to make sure I do not saddle my child with my own baggage. It's so wonderful to know no matter what, I am an aware parent. I am aware of my own short comings, I am aware of my child's needs, and I am aware when I fail, when something doesn't work, and when it does. I'm not perfect by any means and I make a lot of mistakes, but I try my darnedest to fix them as soon as I realise.

In this rushed and busy life I choose to take the time to focus on my child and on myself in order to benefit us both. As I raise her I also have the opportunity to raise myself.