29 January 2014

Hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life

The hardest thing I have ever done in my life is being a parent.

Trying to do the right thing. Figuring out between all the literature and research, and parenting fads, the one thing that will, not only work, but will make things bearable and easy.

Generally my daughter is a really GOOD child. She is happy and loving. I've also noticed a huge difference in her behaviour, and functioning since she has been on Concerta. It really works for her. When we forget to give her the meds, things go upside down, she's not able to concentrate or focus. She's all over the place, and her attention is all over the place. SHe just functions much better on the meds.

I have been concerned however. She's had a few intense episodes of sadness, and a few hectic episodes of anger. The other night she got so angry at her dad that she hit herself on her leg and it was red and a little swollen for ages. She felt so bad about it too, and was crying, asking me to please not tell anyone that she had done it.

I feel so sorry for her, because part of my bipolar symptoms were intense episodes of rage. I know how horrible it is, and I always turned it on myself. Since I've been in treatment my anger and frustration presents more as anxiety than anything else.

She has also been anxious. She tells me that sometimes she gets so scared for things that really aren't scary.

So I am concerned. I don't think children should really be diagnosed with Bipolar disorder before they are in their teens. Unless it is a really obvious case. I'm taking her to a psychiatrist now.

We've had some inconsistent behaviour on the medication too, and that might be because she is on about half the dosage for her age. But I know it still makes a significant difference.

It seems like this year she is suddenly struggling with homework, not wanting to do it because it feels too much for her. So I am also evaluating her extra mural activities, to see if that has an impact. She loves art, and enjoys swimming, but school work has to come first, or does it?

As an only child the activities also gives her opportunity to be social, instead of just sitting at home alone.

It's so hard to figure out the right thing to do. I know that before she was diagnosed with ADHD I said I wouldn't give her meds, but it has helped so much. However if she does get tagged as Bipolar I am not doing the meds. I'll rather do therapy and see if that helps.

This is all playing up my own anxiety, and I do struggle some days to cope with that. I've not taken more of the attivan, because if I get used to that I'll need it every day.

I'm just gonna try and do my best to get through this, and hope that something clicks somewhere, and we find a golden way out of this. I also need to take some deep breaths when things get challenging, and try not to let anxiety get the better of me, because that has a negative effect on her.

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