18 June 2013

Struggling more than I realised with this.

I'm having such a rough time with this. I don't quite know why I am taking this all so badly. To recap, My 6 year old's grade 1 teacher recommended that she be evaluated for ADD, because she is not finishing her work in class.

After talking to the teacher though, I figured out it is more a problem of the relationship between her and the teacher, that has suffered some damage somewhere. 

Things the teacher complains about is that, She shows no emotion, either good or bad in class. And if the teacher in any way asks her to please complete her work she will shut down and refuse to do anything further.

I spoke to the OT at school, and they recommended we do their evaluation first, but then they spoke to the teacher, and she told me that they said she doesn't need OT, from what they saw of her work, and what they discussed with the teacher, and that I should rather take her to a psychologist.

Then my psychologist gave me a very short Connor test to do, and both mine and my husband's test does not show a need to evaluate for ADD. ( I haven't received the teacher's one yet)

So Friday I was convinced I was gonna go for the ADD evaluation ( which is a lot of money) But after doing the Connor's and not getting a high score, I think it will be a waste of time and money.

I've made an extra appointment with my own psychologist for tomorrow, as he is the only one I trust at the moment, to give me straight advice.

But since Friday I have had the most horrible nightmares of my daughter dying, and being kidnapped, and all kinds of horrific things. I wake up crying. I hate feeling like this.

Some of the kids in her class told me Friday that she is very naughty because she had to sit and work at the teachers table, and she is so slow. I feel that she is being bullied, and it feels like my child is being damaged by this situation, and I feel helpless to help her.

I wish someone could just tell me do XYZ, and that will solve the issue

I wrote the teacher an email this morning that she must please just send work that's not completed Home, so I can see if she also struggles to finish at home. And that I believe the reason she is emotionally withdrawn in class is because she feels victimized by the other children, and that kids withdraw emotionally as a protection mechanism.

10 June 2013

When does it become a problem?

I have been going through a difficult time because of some issues surrounding my daughter.

Her Grade 1 teacher emailed me last week to say that my daughter has not done any of her work. She is so slow she is more than an hour behind everyone else in class. And the worst is she's not bothered by this.

I then sent her a mail back, saying I don't quite know how to address this. I have noticed that she gets bored quickly at home. She usually goes from one thing to the next without finishing one thing. Although on the other hand, when she is interested in something, like painting a picture, she sticks with it till the end.

The teacher then came back to me saying that she thinks I should take her to the pediatrician to be evaluated for ADD. 

I was a bit taken aback, shocked and a little bit pissed off. 

I know she is a very active child, but we do so well at home with routine. She's happy exuberant, playful, active and sporty. Yes, if she isn't interested in something she doesn't want to do it, and she particularly hates to write, she won't do it, or it will take a lot of persuasion to get her to do it. I have no idea why she all of a sudden hates writing, because last year it was the only thing she wanted to do..

So I had a little freak out. Got a lot of advice from people on Facebook. Called some people, and read up a bit. The Occupational therapist said that before they even consider something like ADD, they have a ton of other things to evaluate for, and they will do that. So we're going with them first.

Then if they recommend it, or if problems are still there then we need to think about getting an evaluation from a Child Psychiatrist.

Then today I went to speak to the teacher face to face, and a lot of things came out. The biggest problem for her is not that my daughter is slow with her work. It is that if she comments in any way about her not finishing her work on time she just stops working, and without showing any emotion she will just not do anything.

After a long chat about how we discipline at home, compared to what happens at school I've actually come to the conclusion that somewhere the relationship between my daughter and her teacher suffered. It's gotten to a point where she might have lost trust in her teacher, and might feel that it doesn't matter if she works hard, teacher is not giving her the attentions she wants for it. Or that she is craving the negative attention from her teacher.

Whatever it is, I think there's a long hard road ahead for us at the moment. Deep down I know that it is possible for her to have some attention issues, with her dad and me and our issues, that's a huge possibility. But I'm also confident that most of her current problems can be sorted out behaviourally, and that medication is not a necessity right now.

07 June 2013

Oops, I (almost) did it again.

Oh Crap, here we go again. I think I posted a while ago about meeting a mom at school, and actually liking her and getting along real well, and then she started spouting bible stuff, and this really hippie religious stuff. Well I ended up being honest with her and telling her straight up that we're atheists, and strangely enough she has become one of my easiest mommy friends to talk to.

We spent the morning chatting about all kinds of stuff. She'd say something from a religious point of view and I'd tell her my Secular point of view, and neither gets pissed, and it's actually quite nice.

But this all took about a year to get to that stage, and we've had a lot of opportunity for one on one chat while waiting for kids during activities..

On the other hand another parent in my daughter's class complained to the teacher anonymously about my daughter saying bible stories are all lies, and since then I've picked up some cold shoulder vibes from some people, so have decided to just ignore it and be careful who I talk with.

That brings me to my actual post. Since we had a parent get together a couple of weeks ago I have made "kind of mommy friends" with a mom who actually lives down our street. Her son is also in my daughter's class.

We've been chatting at pick up time every day and she is incredibly sweet. Also not into make-up and dressing up ( slob like me)

Then today Smack Bam between the eyes, someone interrupts our conversation to ask her about a "healing seminar" and how this preacher touched her, and she fell on the floor and felt these electric vibes running through her body, and bla de bla de blablabla. So I am trying to stand there and Not have my mouth hanging open.

Somehow I miraculously manage to keep a straight face, and when this other lady leaves, she turns to me and says, sorry I don't even know how you feel about stuff like that, but it was so amazing this and amazing that. And I'm thinking Hmmmm.... Do I take this opportunity to tell her ( where we're surrounded by others and easily overheard) that I'm an atheist, Or do I just nod and smile?

So I nodded and smiled. I'm getting slightly braver about it, but it just didn't feel like the right moment. I have been warned that people in this school seem very wacky when it comes to their religion, so I am treading lightly. Not sure if that makes me cowardly, or clever.

I'd hate for my daughter to bare the brunt for our beliefs, or non beliefs.