What a Loss

I found out this week about something terrible. The unforgivable abuse of a child. Not in the well known physical or sexual ways, but in such a deeply psychological way that it has scarred her for ever.

She was such a bright, friendly inquisitive girl. full of adventure, clever as heck. Always curious and interested in everything.

The constant tearing down of her inner self did her in though. There is hardly a shell left over. It is sad to see. It is heartbreaking, and it makes me so angry I could physically lash out about it.

Her abuser was clever. For years this girl, as she grew up could not put into words what happened to her. She could not figure out what was wrong with her, why were things so difficult for her, that came so easily for others. Why did it hurt so much? Why could she just not get ahead.

People would try to tell her how awesome she was, but she just couldn't believe them. Not after growing up and knowing every second of the day that she was a horrible inadequate person.

Could you do this to your child?

You can read the full extent of the exact abuse perpetrated on her here: 

That girl was me. Now I need to start recovering, because for the first time someone, someone I don't even know, put into words what I have experienced every day of my life. Someone acknowledged the harm, the damage, the hell. So now I am angry. I am so pissed off. But I know I need to move forward. I need to find a way to fix that little girl. To get her back. It feels like she is lost forever, but I hope that isn't true.

Once again step 1 is getting out of this house, and on our own. So Job hunting here I come...again.