06 November 2013

So concerned

I'm feeling so concerned. DH is sitting with,what looks to be major depression coming on, and I feel so powerless to help him.

This is not a place where I would like to discuss his issues, but it is complicated and he needs urgent help.
We can only afford that early next year, but in the mean time I really think I should go to our GP, and see if she would put him on some anti depressants.

It's such a powerless feeling to see someone you love go through something like this. I am constantly worrying about him, and I just want to act in some way to make it better. I know better than most what it means to get sucked into that deep dark hole of depression, and to not have any way of getting out of it.

When it seems there is no room to breathe or move, and you are paralyzed by the depression demon. I think he has been so strong for me for so long, that now when things are going better with me, he has finally allowed himself to feel his own pain.

Now it is my turn to be strong for him, and to find ways of helping him.

I'm getting that internal itch again, which I don't want to give space to grow. If it grows it usually turns into a Manic period, and right now I don't think I am equipped to deal with one of those anymore.

Happy things are happening as well, so I try and focus on that. I just feel this need to do so much, and the ability to do none of it, which creates this imbalance, which leads to those feelings.

Generally I am still doing well. Other than the issues my poor DH is having, my daughter seems to also be going through a rough time.

I think a lot of it has to do with school. She's had 2 obviously depressive episodes in 2 days. Where the tiniest thing has made her extremely sad, and clingy, crying for almost nothing. Where I can see all I need to do is just be there for her.

I need to also talk to my GP about taking her off the Concerta during the December holidays, and seeing if we can go without it until I get her to a psychiatrist as well.

For 3 messed up individuals, we have a good family though. We love each other, and I think because of our issues we have compassion towards each other. This is our saving grace, and keeps us going.

1 comment:

  1. Not much advice but lots of hugs!
    Tipsy! xxx