I'm relieved that I know for sure now. I suspected it every time I felt bad and out of control, but when I felt good ( which was for pretty long periods) I felt fine.
It's a dangerous game though because the constant malfunctioning of brain chemicals that went untreated shorted out my pain sensors and now I have Fybromyalgia as well.
The Good News is I can now start on Medication and move forward. Get better. I have a set of rules, that If I stick to them I will be okay.
My Family and friends know, as they are obviously affected as well. This is good. Moving forward is good. I hope the meds are good. For the moment I feel more relaxed, but sacrificed my drive to get stuff done. The franticness is good to make you perform under pressure. With no pressure I feel a bit slow, and a bit too blah.
This is good though. This is better than where I have been for a long time.