Diagnosed..Finally

So last Thursday I was finally diagnosed. What I had been suspecting for about 2 years was correct. I have Bipolar Type II Mood Disorder.

I'm relieved that I know for sure now. I suspected it every time I felt bad and out of control, but when I felt good ( which was for pretty long periods) I felt fine.

It's a dangerous game though because the constant malfunctioning of brain chemicals that went untreated shorted out my pain sensors and now I have Fybromyalgia as well.

The Good News is I can now start on Medication and move forward. Get better. I have a set of rules, that If I stick to them I will be okay.

My Family and friends know, as they are obviously affected as well. This is good. Moving forward is good. I hope the meds are good. For the moment I feel more relaxed, but sacrificed my drive to get stuff done. The franticness is good to make you perform under pressure. With no pressure I feel a bit slow, and a bit too blah.

This is good though. This is better than where I have been for a long time.

Bad Place

I'm just in a bad place right now. I haven't written much. I have one or two posts saved that are incomplete. Dealing with some issues while in the mids of Tax due dates and end of financial year stuff.

Lots of work, very little money. Lots of stress, lots of depression. Can't remember if I ever did the post about having had to go on Anti depressants after stopping smoking... blah blah lots of stuff about nicotine possibly masking depression etc. Well.. I had to go off them again as they made me slightly psychotic. It was a little bit of fun though.... that "Fuck the world" feeling, but it was a lot of scary as well, because I am a mom and responsible for more than just me.

So I am on nothing right now, getting through a very stressful period while I wait for an appointment at a psychiatrist so we can get the hang of my chemical issues once and for all.

Unfortunately there are no pills for sorting out my "surrounded by assholes" issues, and I need to make some hard decisions about my life. Fuck....

Anyhow feeling very blah, and crap and moody and pissed off, and just all around unpleasant to be around at the moment. And I have lost trust in my own judgement. How stupid is that. GAWD they should just lock me up with a straight jacket on.

One thing is for sure. At times like these one really gets a very good idea of who are the good people who surround you and who aren't. So that's me signing off for now. Till I get some answers, and manage to make some slightly less embarrassing sense.

PS. Oh and I found out I could have either Arthritis...or Fybromyalgia Yay...not. More blood tests end of March and rheumatologist end of May