Isn't it amazing, how life changes by just changing our Point of View. It's the 90/10 principle (by Stephen Covey), that has also done the rounds in emails for years. Usually when we're caught up in the day to day drama of physical existence it becomes hard to focus on anything other than the physical, the "reality" We may recognise truth, which is why the 90/10 principle and others still get passed on through email and forums. We spend a few minutes reading it, and we say " That is so true" Then we continue with whatever needs our attention right then and there, and we put it to the back of our minds.
It's human to do that. It's perfectly normal and it's perfectly understandable. It's also very valuable to take some time, every day if you can. every moment if you're lucky, or every once in a while and really think about these things, and bring it into our lives, as perspective, point of view, truth.
I guess that is what I am trying to do here, with this wonderful poem. So let me continue.
A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
For me this connects to Judgement again. Interpreting in order to judge by whatever standards, be it yours, society, religion.
In South Africa, recently the newspapers have been filled with "comment and judgement" ( as is the job of the news media) of our president Jacob Zuma, and his cultural propensity to have many wives, and his human one to have many mistresses.
I could strangely not understand the hooha about it. To me, that was just his choice, his life, his lessons. Yes he's the president and bla bla bla, but really? To me, I couldn't care less. Did his actions affect me in any way? I have no energy on it.
There have been many examples of this in my life recently. I thought I must be getting ill. Have I become so self absorbed that nothing matters to me anymore? Then I read this poem and realised, this was just a symptom of the Journey I am right now, and was in fact a good thing.
Somewhere since starting to blog about my Childhood and my mother, I lost the need to explore it any further. I not only found forgiveness. I started realising that I got no satisfaction out of trying to interpret her actions.
That said. I believe The Michael Teachings played a very crucial roll in me realising this.
As soon as you recognise someone in their roll and overleaves, it does become clear what their motivations could be, and it has become part of me to recognise, that even those I love to the greatest degree, are not on the same path I am. They don't have the same goals, we're not even half way on the same page. No one is on a wrong page, and no one is on a right page. The pages are just different.
( I might sound a bit self righteous here. I am human I still do get frustrated by the different page thing, but less and less every day)
We all end up at the same destination, and eventually through many lives and existences we all experience the same issues in life, from different points of view. Everything is valid. What is right for you might not be right for me right now, or ever, but it does not mean it is not valid for you or wrong for you.
I find I need to remind myself about this less and less, as it has become a truth for me. I do have moments where someone else will remind me, and then again my point of view changes. I love it every time that happens. I love it if someone challenges what I say using my own words against me, because that is How I grow and understand and move forward.
A loss of interest in conflict.
There was a time where I craved Conflict in all it's forms. E-Wars where invigorating, adrenaline rushes. Using words to tear another person's arguments apart, and proving your superior intellect or reasoning abilities, where the fuel of my day. What a boost to the ego. What a way to feel superior and better than...
Then it changed slowly. When you start recognising the truths I discussed above. That every point of view is valid for whoever holds it, then what satisfaction can be found in forcing yours onto another.
So I feel no need, have no interest in conflict in that negative sense. I would rather avoid my mother, or while she rants about some thing I have done wrong, I will try and take a deep breath, stay calm and calmly state my position. She's not always open to receiving my position, but at times all I need is to state it calmly, give her time, and then miraculously she will come back to me later. Calmly, and discuss things sensibly.
Not all Conflict is bad. Sometimes conflict is a necessary part of human existence. Conflict is helpful when it comes from a positive part of your personality. When it is used to validate, or question. Conflict in that scenario is not painful, does not cause an adrenaline rush, is not negative, and is not hurtful to anyone.
It is respectful. I hope I have achieved the respectful, quiet discussion of opinions, being open to listen to the other point of view, and truly take it in, process it and try to understand it. I strive for this in my relationship with my Husband, because for all our "meant to be togetherness" we are so very different in many things we do, and many ways we think and process the world. So in fact we have vastly differing point of view on many things, and I have realised I can not, and do not want to use my "superior" reasoning abilities in order to force, coerce or control him into submitting to my own point of view on every question.
I have no interest in constant conflict with him, so I had to change my point of view, had to change my understanding of him. Had to recognise his validity, the validity of his choices, and trust in our ability to calmly, rationally and respectfully come to similar conclusions about Big important issues, and to be able to compromise with each other. My only other choise would be to withdraw, without bringing up any issues I might have. This leads to emotional distence which is much worse than a process of calm conflict and reasoning to atain a compromise, or to a point where you realise no compromise is possible.
For me it is better to respectfully and calmly inform someone of my point of view, without expecting it to influence theirs, than to withdraw from them emotionally, when you share a life with them. When there is constant conflict and strife and this is not the person you are sharing a life with, then what is the need for conflict? With no mutual respect of each other's different Point of view, and an ability to compromise and converse without conflict, why not withdraw? I've had to withdraw from friendships and relationships in the past for this very reason.
I think a couple of years ago I used to think compromise means my husband has to do what I wanted, and I would pretend to give him some slack. Now I have come to the realisation that my life is a product of past decisions and actions. How can I resent his lack of decision and action when I have conditioned him into believing that only mine is valid.
So time to take the difficult road and allow him to make his own decisions even though I do not agree with him. To allow him to make his own mistakes and to learn from this. To Give guidance or advice,on issues that concern us as a family, when I feel it is appropriate but to ensure I do this in a way which is respectful to him as a Spiritual being on his own Human path. Because even though we are together, and "meant to be together" we are still each on our own path.
Lanee told me years ago that we all grow at different paces. She used two of her friends as examples. The one learns and grows at an alarmingly fast rate, and like the hare in the story of the tortoise and the hare, he takes two steps forward and one step back. While her other friend learns and grows at a very slow pace, but like the tortoise she will also get to the finishing line. Her growth is more stable, and even though it is hard to notice from day to day, she rarely has to learn the same lessons twice.
I very much believe this is the way with my Husband and myself. I'm the Hare, and he's the tortoise. There's no winners in this race. We all reach the final destination at our own pace. As much as I am sometimes frustrated by his slower pace, I am just as frustrated with my own back pedaling.
A loss of the ability to worry (this is a very serious symptom)
Oh what a worry wart I have been? How easy to work oneself up into a lather over things you have no control over. For years and years I have struggled with this. "Water off a duck's back" "Can't worry about that which we have no control over" and all those things I knew where true but just could not apply to my day to day existence.
And then a couple of weeks ago I just started to give it up. Give it up to the Universe, a higher power, God. Whichever name you feel comfortable with. Give it up because it was making me sick. Give it up because all the worrying and all the stress it causes are sure to attract nothing less than more worries.
My dad, who I love immensely will find the most horrid things to worry about out of the most innocent circumstances. I don't want to be that. I don't even see or feel the need to worry about something that is troublesome. So my new anthem in this topic is a song by Simon Webbe called "No worries". I absolutely Love it.
I wish it was all as simple of saying now that I have achieved this I need do nothing more than just continue it, but doubt and worries always seem to crawl in again. So the challenge is to maintain my Inner peace, and grow further in the areas I find a need. Life is ever so much more interesting and exciting when you have a centre of peace to fall into when you need it.
To Be Continued again .....
I leave you in the Capable hand of Mr Webbe