20 February 2013

Weapons grade Plutonium

I had a really good therapy session today. I printed out this article, I've posted before http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html on narcissistic mothers, and highlighted the things I experienced specifically. My therapist was really impressed that I did "homework" and said this is the biggest jump in progress we've made since I started. 

It was because at last someone put in words everything I had been through. From what he scanned I have a quite severe narcissistic mother, and had a, his words "weapons grade plutonium", experience. So it is going to take a LOT of very HARD work to get out of that hole. And some Weapons Grade Plutonium therapy as well. 

My mission now is to keep telling myself " I am not who she said I was" and "I am worth it" and to slowly get my self confidence from somewhere. Without the self confidence I've been struggling with job hunting, constantly feeling "not good enough" to apply for a certain position.

I've also felt parralised, and like I am going into a depression AGAIN, but he said it could be part of the grieving process, since reading this article, and for the first time recognising and acknowledging what was done to me. 

Sorry for going on and on about it, but it has been a HUGE jump in my consciousness for me. To feel horrible and pathetic my whole life, and to then realise why I feel that way, and to know it is not my fault. I was damaged.

No comments:

Post a Comment