26 June 2010

New York Dreams

In all of my life I have not really suffered from recurring dreams as much as some.

Before I had Caitlin she was a visitor in many dreams, but always in different ways. As a child I had a dream about a place somewhere in the wilderness, where I would meet up with friends and family. It was such a clear dream that I used to wake up thinking it couldn't be just a dream. It felt like a memory. I can't remember many of the details, just the overwhelming feeling of love, adventure and belonging and the idea that it was a real place.

Coming back to South Africa after my year in the USA I kept returning to New York in my dreams.

I can't remember how many of those dreams I had but all of them had this feeling of "Yay at last I can go back home" and then failure that I couldn't stay.

For the last couple of years I haven't been remembering a lot of dreams so it was quite strange for me to return to New York again in a dream this week.

I don't really spend a lot of time trying to figure out meaning in my dreams. I just think about the feelings I experienced and then usually in my day to day life the emotions will pop up, which will explain to me the why of the dream.

This one was strange though, and real life keeps reminding me of the dream without giving me any answers to the why.

I dreamed I went back to New York and I was constantly telling myself Third time Lucky ( I have only been there once in reality) I also landed up in High school. Everyone was friendly and welcoming. I realised it was summer in NY and I only packed winter clothes, but someone was so kind to give me a warm Jacket. See it doesn't make sense. Warm Jacket in summer. LOL

In any case what the dream did recreate the longing I hadn't been feeling for ages. Missing New York. the city had, to me, a very specific energy. This was probably just my perception of it and has nothing to do with how people experience it every day.

To me it had this old energy of possibility, expectation, and unrelenting power. The City felt like the way it had been portrayed in many movies, as a character itself. Alive and conscious.

I love Cape Town, I'm happy where I am now, but I do still hear the calling back. I don't see myself returning in any physical form in the near future, but who knows what life has in store.

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