20 September 2012

Am I a Weak parent?

I'm Quite upset, and this is the only place I could think to write about it. My 6 year old daughter has some issues. She doesn't like school, she refuses to wipe her own butt, and she doesn't want to dress herself. We're also continuously late for school because she doesn't really focus on any given task, and is resistent to getting ready.

Now I brought this up with my psychologist, because the morning of my session she refused to go to school, ( not a first, but a first time I gave in like this) She was crying so heartrendingly, and the only way I was going to get her to go was to actually physically pick her up and force her into the car.

Now she's 1.4m and 40kg's so physically almost impossible to do this, and other than that I put my foot down at physical violence. It seems cruel to me, and as she had been going at it for almost 45 minutes I did give in.

My husband was already late for work.

So my psychologist said I should have physically forced her to go to school. That I allowed her to manipulate me, that it seems to him I am a soft parent because I don't believe in spanking, and because I think it is cruel to manhandle my child.

He is also concerned about the issues I mentioned at first and is sending her for a psych evaluation and thinks she will probably get given an ADHD or Bipolar diagnosis, which he thinks might not be accurate.

I don't feel she's old enough to be labeled, even if something is wrong. I still struggle with my own Bipolar diagnosis some days, because it is a soft diagnosis, and if they come back with one for her I won't allow her to be medicated.

She's bored in school and she has attachment issues with me. I know that. It is most probably my fault because I have so many crappy issues that my boundaries have probably been a bit soft and I am too over protective.

I just feel horrid about this, and decided I'm just gonna have to pull myself together and try to improve my parenting but I WILL NOT manhandle her or spank her. I think discipline is not about pain and suffering. Am I wrong here? Am I so deluded that I am harming my child because I have childhood issues? I know I'm probably overcompensating, but I seriously don't know how not to do that.

In Any case when I got home she was sleeping, which she never does, which is either from being a bit under the weather, and I didn't notice or the emotional exhaustion of a difficult morning, which shows how intensely it affected her as well doesn't it?

I have done an update here


  1. Is there such a thing as being "too good as a mother"? I think that would describe you as a parent E. I dont mean that harshly because you know I dont understand half the shit you go though but really E, for Eg: refusing to wipe her arse is not an "issue",its plain naughtiness/laziness.. I would have made K sit on the loo until she does, she is not 4 any more, and these are skills she needs to learn.

    You wont do her any justice if you over mother her. Anyhow, i do think you over-compensate...you are a fab mommy (better than me hehe) who thinks she cannot/never does enough when you do more than you should.

    And for the record, i really dont have issue with people who dont klap their kids, so my response has NOTHING to do with that!

    I love you much!! xxx

  2. Thanx Tipsy. I realised I am over compensating a bit too much so will adapt my style accordingly. I've often wished I could be as laid back as a lot of people are, I know that's also good for kids, I just struggle to do it.