I'm a wreck today. I can't stop crying. It's 10 September and not sure if I'll post this today.
All the scratching in my psyche, by me and my psychologist seems to have loosened my emotional blocks, even though I don't want them loosened.
I used to cry a lot as a child, teenager and young adult. Then life's crap taught me to be tough, so I lost the ability. I guess I built a pretty nifty emotional wall.
Sometimes that's the only way to deal with those hard knocks.
But now. Alas it is coming tumbling down. And even though I know intellectually it's a good thing, I feel very uncomfortable with it.
At the moment I'm a bit sick as well so it is making things worse. All I want is some reassurance from someone that everything will be okay, but it doesn't feel like it ever will.
My life sucks quite a bit, and I struggle to see the good parts. I've had the same problems with finances and being unable to provide for my family for a long long time now, and it feels like I have come to the end of my tether where that is concerned. This is sounding a bit like depression to me, but I feel sad more than depressed. I do feel helpless, and adrift, and I don't like this cracking of the wall.
I feel desperate and alone, and I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, and it scares the shit out of me to not be in control of anything. Not even my emotions. Especially my emotions.