I've calmed down

I've calmed down a bit since yesterday 

I'm not myself yet. Depression is setting in again, and I'm not feeling well at all. As usual I am turning to writing to get through this. I'm turning to sharing as it feels like that is the only way to dilute these horrid feelings.

I just don't want to be touched, or looked at, or talked to, or anything

I'm unhappy that I left a message for my Psychologist yesterday that I need to see him urgently, and he didn't get back to me. Now I am in frozen mode so it is so much harder for me to ask for help. I did send an sms this morning, so thats gonna be as much as I can beg for his attention right now.

I don't know where the money will come from, but I need the therapy right now. I'm shattering.

Anxiety is the devil here, and my unsubstantial self esteem. Non existent for the moment. How sad is that.

I'm calmer though. I'm not freaking out right now. I'm trying to stick my head in the sand right now, to just carry on.