17 October 2012


I was just gonna quickly post something to say, I'm changing templates again, so don't be alarmed. Then I typed in the title and thought: "Hmmm. People are gonna expect this to be about something else"

This is a topic I have not even thought about writing on because I just don't really want to discuss it.
Since I stopped smoking a year ago I have gained 30 kg's. That all happened within the first 6 months.

As soon as my weight stabilised, and I stopped gaining, I went on my medication, which I have started to think might be the reason I struggle to lose the weight again.

The other reason is of course that I'm not terribly disciplined, and when you have a very very VERY low budget for groceries, it makes it incredibly difficult, and nearly impossible to actually buy healthy. And anyone that says otherwise would have to come show me exactly how to do it.

I've been to a dietitian in the past and I know the tricks of the trade, but find myself unable to buy what I need in order to stay on the right eating plan.

That's all the excuses out of the way. Now how does it make me feel? It makes me feel ...it makes me not want to feel. I can not describe how lonely and unworthy it makes me feel. For someone who already has self esteem and negative self talk issues, to also have this, has been absolutely unendurable.

It makes me feel that I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to see other people, I don';t want to be out there to be ridiculed  I know what people think, and say. I hate feeling like this. Normally I'd not have such a hard time to lose this weight, but this time around nothing wants to help. I've been on glucophage, such high doses that it messes up my digestive system. That hasn't helped in the least.

If I had the money I'd see a dietitian again, but unfortunately that is out of the question right now. I'm not really looking forward to summer.

In any case. wallowing over. I'm playing around with the looks of the blog. At least that's much easier for me to control. Hope you like it, if not pop me a comment.

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