04 June 2012

Down down down down again

I've been planning a post on Motherhood and Bipolar disorder. From the perspective of the child and the parent. It's still being formulated in my head.

Today I'm having a very down day. I'm in a lot of physical pain as well. I've been on the slightly low side of normal for a while now, but not anything bad enough to prevent me from functioning. But today is bad. Yesterday I spent most of the day alone, feeling tired. Thought I might be coming down with something. But today I am feeling sooo heavy and down and low and full of doom and gloom, in pain and unable to move. So I'm coming down with a little dark bout of depression.

I've been on 100mg Epitec for a month now, and we were gonna check it out before deciding to move up, but I emailed the psychiatrist now to say I think we need to move it up.

This is the danger zone. I might think I am fine there, I won't do anything irresponsible, but the doomy thoughts are not good. Gotta get out of the danger zone. You find comfy spots there. A Kind of sulky hide away where you don't have to talk or think or be. It can get comfy but it sucks you in until there's no way of getting out easily.

I don't want to be sucked in today so am trying to just fake it till I feel better. I need to get out of this Danger Zone.

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