Inner Peace 3

Continuing from Inner peace 1 and 2 discussion on this poem by Saskia Davis

The thing about Inner Peace for me is how fleeting it can be at times. It's only helpful to me as a sanctuary to go to when growth is too hard.

In order to attain my goal of Growth in this lifetime, strive is inevitable. So my inner state, when peacefull does not always convert to my outward state of being. Even though growth is exhausting and sometimes agonising, it is what I am here for. This I am sure of.

If you want to find out more about what Your Goal is I recommend reading a bit on the 7 Goals disussed in the Michael Teachings, if that takes your fancy.

I know I keep coming back to the Michael teachings but it was one of the first pieces of information I found that so completely resonated with me, it has determined my course of Life ever since. I've been a terrible student, and I'm trying to improve on that, only so I can better understand and participate in discussions with those that know the terminology so well.

Anyhow I'll continue where I left off yesterday, and will try to sound a little less self righteous or arrogant ( one of my Chief Features) I hate that one, but I try to rise above it LOL @ Me

Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation


Contented feelings of connectedness with others & nature


Frequent attacks of smiling

I'm putting these 3 together as they are the ones most against my imprinted nature, and the ones that surprise me most when they happen.

My challenge is to feel this when I am NOT in a hypo manic episode. Because when I am, then they come to me easily. When I feel this while not manic it is peaceful, not energetic and overwhelming.

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

Imagine me, Mrs Control freakishness herself, letting go in this way? Even years ago when Lanee assured me that Arno will find me, and I should let him find me I still could not let go, and acted where I should not have. ( I know I still owe you all that story and I hope to end of a serious week with that "fairytale".

So I find the harder I try to control my environment the less control I have over it. The harder I try and control the actions of others, be it my child, husband, or father ( who I all live with) The less they will do what I want.

The more I try and manipulate my choices to suit me, the less they turn out like I planned, and the more it becomes a question of "be careful what you wish for"

So I have learnt the very hard way to let it go. Let it be. To trust, to ope, to even wish, to project positivity, To count those Chickens before they hatch, but to allow them to hatch by themselves. To Accept, to process. To let it go.

Remember my Depression about the School that wouldn't accept my daughter? This one.

I still feel slightly scared when I think of how badly I was affected by the school saying they don't have space for Cait, after I spent so much time researching schools, visiting them, and then deciding on this one.

I even told myself it was fated that this would be the perfect school as it was the one I was scared to go to, because of ( I later discovered) unfounded rumours I had heard about the owner being terrible.

So it was the last school I saw, the most expensive one, and turned out to be the Best one for me, the most interested in Caitlin, and the closest to our house.

So because I had set my mind on it, made the difficult to really over extend myself financially to put her there, and was then turned down it was like a sucker punch to the gut when the Universe pulled the carpet out from under me.

For a time I thought there must be a meaning I am missing, what must I DO to fix this. I she meant to go elsewhere, but how can that be true if this one felt so right.

One morning after a ton of reading and philosophizing, I decided Screw this. I am sick of over thinking over analysing and worrying about this I can not control. I am leaving it. I am not seeing any more schools, I am not doing another Thing about it until something forces me to.

I forgot about it. I let it go. Then a week later I get a phone call to say they will have space for Caitlin starting 1 March. I couldn't believe it. I was overjoyed, and at the same time I was too scared to be happy. ( I have a pattern of this fear thing)

So I thought, WOW this letting go thing is quite interesting. Wouldn't it be interesting synchronicity if my Husband finds a job and starts the same time as Caitlin. By this time I had also decided to let go of my worries and issues around his job hunting. I was not picking out jobs for him to apply to. He's an adult he can d it himself. I was not pressuring him with ideas like waitering which he has a specific aversion to. I had just let it go.

It was quite interesting to feel that kind of peace. Quite new for me. Then he went for an interview on Monday, I even forgot about that until he dropped of Caitlin at the office.

Less than an hour later he was back. He got the job. He's starting 1 March.

I'm loving this letting go thing. It's the most awesome thing ever. Once again I have been too scared to get Too happy about the job. So I'm letting go once again. I just want to believe that everything will be fantastic and we are entering into the hope and excitement I always knew this year would bring.

An increased susceptibility to love extended by others and the uncontrollable urge to extend it

I have always been a very empathetic person. To a negative point where I would take on energy experienced by another, and have trouble to cleans myself.

Lately it's been a more softer feeling of Love, respect and appreciation for every other life form. I still get angry and frustrated at others at times, but mostly I remind myself of all the things I discuss here, and I'm less challenged.

Love really is important in this existence. Unconditional, pure, non physical, overwhelming, non commercialised. Not only the emotion, but the energy. Not only feeling it towards another, but feeling and accepting it from another too.

To me, Love, peace and happiness are very much synonymous.

Helping others

This morning while barely awake, with mind racing quite uncontrolled in free association, as usual I had quite the epiphany.

Heal yourself, in order to heal the world, and teach yourself in order to teach the world.

I don't think this is a new thought, but it was very new to me at that moment.

I think many times we get very much caught up in trying to "save the world" "change our partners" "wishing the world would change" But we forget that we are part of the world. Every single person on this earth is a contributing factor in the make up of our environment, politics, consciousness.

There's no separateness. We are all functioning together as an organism with a multitude of consciousness.

So in order to heal the "world" it makes sense to heal ourselves. Be it from emotional difficulties, or physical challenges. When everyone pays attention to their own healing, spiritually, emotionally, physically, then the world will heal with us.

And the same with teaching.

Also in helping others or gaining help from others we tend to forget that help comes from ourselves first.

I've always known you can not help someone that does not want to help themselves. Therefore you can not receive help unless you are ready to help yourself.

This is harder than it sounds and may take a lifetime, or a few lifetimes to achieve. Being able to accept help in one way or another is a huge challenge for many people, but when you profess to "ask" for help you need to also be in a position to be willing to do whatever it takes to help yourself. Unfortunately be it financial help, help to loose weight, help to overcome Bipolar, or depression, or marital/relationship issues, no one can do the hard work for you.

You may ask for help, when you really only want sympathy. There will always be people sympathetic, and it will make you feel better for a few moments, but until you make a commitment to yourself, there will never be true lasting release, from whatever issues you are facing.

Martyrdom is attractive to many people. It means you can get a sympathy fix without having to actually do anything about your problem. Feeling sorry for ourselves only brings weakness, and in many cases makes the problem worse. Yes it's human to occasionally feel completely drained and beaten by life's circumstances.

To allow ourselves to Not be too hard on ourselves is a good thing, but by never taking control we give up on many life lessons. Not making a Choice is actually a choice in itself, and just creates more issues we will need to work out.

It is possible to make decision, experience the difficulty of life, and work through our issues, while still feeling crap about the circumstances we are in, but the whole process of doing something about it will make us feel more empowered, no matter if we are successfull or not. It's a question of keep on keeping on. Then one day turning around, looking back and seeing how far you have come.

Healing, teaching and helping go together for me on this.

So not only can one not waste energy on wishing the world, or our partners to change, or waste energy in trying to help another person who is not ready to help themselves, One has to consciously make an effort to find one's own healing, teaching and help.

Not only will this lead to a more happy and fulfilled life, it will also lead to a "world" wide movement to happiness and fulfilment.

We can not change any other being. We can only change ourselves and control our reactions.

There is so much information on self improvement and finding Happiness, which is within yourself, that there should be no excuse for any of us not to find our own happiness.

Break out of your comfort zone, or create a new one which includes, finding the right path for you.

I spoke a bit about the right path for me yesterday in The Michael teachings, but I know that this is not the right path for all. So find what works for you and pay attention to yourself, because it's not going to come from anyone else.

If you make a choice to get healing, get help, and teach yourself, then immerse yourself in that and find your own Joy.

Meeting Lanee

In June 1997 I went to New Jersey in the USA as an Au Pair.

I stayed for 13 months, and had a fantastic time. First half was spent with various self destructive behaviours in the name of "enjoying myself"

I was constantly half frustrated and wholly annoyed, by very many things American.

From the lack of international awareness, and interest. To the over policed nature of everything.

Being a bit older now I would probably have allowed it less effect on me, but back then I was out to discover the world, as long as it was familiar and didn't annoy me.

During my last half there, in 1998 I met someone who turned out to not only change my life, but who is still changing my life every day.

Lanee McLaughlin.

I met George in a bar on the NJ seashore. We often went there, and I had seen him a couple of times, but wrote him of as a "dirty old man" how dare he try to converse with us young funky chicks. We where on the hunt for man flesh and old didn't appeal to us.

One Sunday while the place was very quiet, he challenged us young funky things to a few games of pool, and as he was paying we agreed.

During the game of pool, a conversation started. My friend Daleen and I where discussing the merits or not of Astrology, etc.

I had been interested in alternate spirituality for a while, but felt extremely lost, and my theme song was definitely " I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

George then told us he knows a Psychic lady and he will take us to her any time.

Obviously our first thoughts where yeah right, dirty old man, but as luck would have it we made an appointment, I think we were just too curious to not take a chance.

It was about an hour's drive and a lot of time was spent on giggling and being very sceptical. I had asked George how much this "psychic" person charged and he said, nothing. She would appreciate a donation if we wanted to but she doesn't charge. He also added, the word psychic is not really applicable, as it's something different.

Of course my curiosity was absolutely activated and as I had been searching so long, and so unsuccessfully for so long, I was quite excited about this visit.

When we got there we walked up the stairs of a small 2 duplex unit, and entered the house.

There we met Lanee, who looked to be in her late thirties. I would later find out how wrong I was about that. We where invited to sit with everyone else at a huge dining room table, and immediately Lanee looked at Daleen and said "I have a message for you, but you might not be ready to hear it" she turned to me and said " I have been waiting for you for two years.

Like a flood I remembered a recurring dream I'd had from about 2 years before. In my dream she was a medicine woman, a healer, a witch, a sorcerer, and every kind of symbolic description of what I was searching for.

It was overwhelming, this sense of having come home.

And this was the beginning of many sessions, where she channelled information from, in her words, Spirit. Most I have on tape. George gave me a few books to read. The Michael Handbook, and Messages from Michael.

It was a very important first step in my self realisation and a jump in my spiritual Journey.

Last night I started Listening to some of my old tapes. Got about 1/4 way into the first tape, and had to laugh at how little I took in right then. I have come a long way.

Since last week I have been immersing myself in the Michael Teachings again, and finding myself much more open now than I was 12 years ago.

to be continued....