Hyper Religiosity and other obsessions

Hyper religiosity is a known symptom of Bipolar Disorder as well as quite a few other psychiatric conditions.
I think I have suffered from it. If you replace religion with spirituality, it comes to the same thing.

Where one is so drawn to religion, spirituality etc in order to feel special, feel unique, make sense of life, and it's problems. Where one feels that nothing else can explain so well that which you are feeling at this moment, than what you believe to be the answer. When you know that what you believe should be known by everyone. That it is the one true "faith/belief/salvation" That as long as you follow it;s statutes to perfection everything will be okay.

As long as you submerge yourself in the teachings you will find peace and happiness. That there is no other way to explain life than the way you follow.

These days these kinds of Hyper beliefs, are not limited only to religion. Also Parenting, health, etc is filled with them. Breastfeeding vs Formula, Anti-Vaccination groups, Spanking vs non spanking.

Where ever you get a group of people who so overly passionately and obsessively condemn the other side, and obsessively live their own philosophy to the exclusion of all others, there you find mental delusion.

Most people who are hyper religious end up in Cults. There seems to be some kind of an attraction to small groups of wackiness.The rest seem to just gravitate to Facebook these days.

I think I have often suffered from the above, but in various interestingly different ways.

From my spiritual period, right up to my anti-religious one, I can recognise my illness in my thought processes. Where it becomes slightly feverish and compulsive. When it's so very important, exciting and impossible to not share. There are quite a few of my older blog posts where it shines through. I'm leaving them up for now though.

So what obsessions have I had that I managed to overcome?

It would be way too embarrassing to list them. Suffice it to say I have been there. Looking back it is much easier to say "that was an unnatural obsession" than when you are right there experiencing it.

Even though it is not limited to Bipolar disorder, and I am sure everyone has it from time to time. It seems to be a recurrent theme on the bipolar spectrum which I keep seeing in my BP Friends. It's not the kind of thing where you can point it out and say. "Hey You're being delusional"  That doesn't come across to well.

It's a bit of a relief, not feeling that obsessive drive at the moment, even though it does make life seem a bit bland right now. I now know what BP sufferers mean by the meds making life very boring.

So many things... so little time

I'm just gonna write and hope you all catch up with me ( my invisible thousands of non-existent readers )

Reminder: I am not a writer.

I struggle to express myself in words. Which makes for difficult communication, but I like to think this will improve with practice.

So this is where I am currently:

1. Had a great holiday ( working on a separate post for that)
2. Have found some really awesome funny people online ( should have their own post)
3. Have even managed to find South Africans who seem like minded ( need to confirm that and will get back to you on it)
4. Have realised I have a horrible memory ( wrote about 10 posts in my head I have forgotten)
5. Learned the value of writing things down in to do lists ( If I don't forget)
6. Have started using Twitter again - https://twitter.com/#!/Psycho_Chocolat - (WARNING not for family members or anyone else easily offended)
7. Have realised I'm getting used to people being pissed off at me, and it's not so bad.

I think I am actually pretty Happy and content at the moment, although life would be so much simpler if I had 5 more hours a day :)

What I would like to address is the Michael Teachings. I have been asked, ( ...mostly by myself I admit) Where do I put a spiritual teaching, and one viewed as pretty New Aged and Wack-a-doodle into my new found level of Agnostic-Atheism.

Is it double standards to keep pointing out to others the silliness of believing in an invisible Daddy in the sky, while I believe in a disembodied entity from beyond who spread's it's superior teachings via various channels? hmmmm Yes. That would be duplicitous. Or two-faced. Or Double Standards

I don't see the M teachings as that anymore. I think a lot of people do still see it as that, and they are free to interpret it to their liking.

I'm starting to rather see most of it as a body of interesting work that explains a lot about human psychology and social interaction. I believe that it comes from a heightened state of concentration brought about by someone going into a super relaxed trance state while channeling.

I like the tone of it. The fact that none of it is supposed to be purely believed without challenge, (Validate Validate Validate) and I like how it has helped me cope with stress, depression and life in general, and relationships in specific.

I'm not sure how I feel about the afterlife parts of it. Right now I would Love to believe in life after this, but I feel it is mostly improbable. That doesn't prevent me from speculating about it.

This is still a Journey to me. I know that religion can also be used for good, but unfortunately lately I see the bad outweighing the good. Even the M-Teachings have been used for power struggles.

Seems someone always wants to be better than someone else. I'll continue thinking about it, and let you know if it all changes for me again.

The Inevitable "Religion" Question

It's that time for me, a time I had been looking forward to and dreading since she was born. Caitlin needs to be enrolled in public school to start Grade 0 next year.

I am lucky that because we live with my dad in a little house they bought a decade ago, in what was then a new development, and what has become quite a safe, and good neighbourhood, that the closest public school is also known as one of the best in this region.

Going through the 100's of forms ( some of them involving selling my soul into permanent bondage if I ever can not pay them) the inevitable question always comes up. The one I had been dreading and could have such a huge impact on her life.

Firstly it is asked " Religion?" hmmmm first instinct is "None", in which case it might most probably be assumed we don't care, or we are godless lazy creatures, who are really undiscovered Christians, as long as someone manages to convert us from lazing in bed all sunday morning instead of getting off our behinds and going to church. (You'd be surprised how many Christians around me actually think this)

Second option: Secular Humanist. If I am lucky I might find a teacher who knows what this entails in it's entirety. In that case I hope they tell me as well, as it is just a term I recently adopted because of the wiki page putting this in as part of the definition:

"Fundamental to the concept of Secular Humanism is the strongly held belief that ideology — be it religious or political — must be thoroughly examined by each individual and not simply accepted or rejected on faith"

Ok so let's leave the "religion" question there. Now comes the Doozy. Next conundrum and the true test of my child's future influences lie in this easy little question:

" Do you have any objections to your child participating in any religious activities?"

If YES, please furnish reasons.

Now firstly I need to now what do these religious activities entail? Will there be forced bible reading, lively questioning? Will it be more moral or more religious? Will there be forced prayer and false piety?

What happens if I state Yes I object? Will she be rejected by her peers as strange and weird? Will she be rejected and targeted by teachers for the same reasons?

I've always said I will allow her to make up her own mind one day. but In my opinion I will be doing her an injustice to allow her to be subjected to the same kind of brainwashing that I was as a child and teen.In order to find one's own truth one needs to be educated on all the available options. Somehow I doubt this is done properly in most schools.

I wouldn't mind her receiving religious education that is educational, factual, and discusses the main religions and their similarities and differences. But I don't think I want her to take part in any form of worship activities.In her current school there is a huge preponderance of religious worship, they barely do secular nursery rhymes and stories, most of it is focussed on religious stories and songs.

I was never made aware of this before enrolling her, and obviously I am scared of the Primary school taking the same sneaky approach, or just assuming that this is okay with everyone, when it clearly isn't.

Maybe I must just included a whole letter stating more clearly what our beliefs are or rather aren't? Or finally take the time to thing and write down a kind of personal manifesto of beliefs which I can attach.

Or do you think I am making too much of this and should just let her be shepherded along with the other sheep and hope she doesn't get too brainwashed?

Oh and unlike the USA, South African schools can and do offer religious teachings as long as they are in line with this Draft policy on Education ( which I have heard is not enforceable as it is only a draft policy, and which many schools have been known to ignore)

Unfortunately my only other choice in school is much more openly Christian, even though they are also a public school. At least this one gives me a choice. The other automatically assume that one is a Christian.

What I wish for is not only Freedom of Religion in all governments and school, But Freedom FROM Religion

The Final Word on the religion thing

Hopefully this will be my last post on that little debacle.

After spending the last week since my last post coming to terms with all that was botherin gme I think I have made peace.

I asked advice elsewhere, and based on the responses I got etc, I came to the following conclusions ( Copied from the topic here )

So one of the (new agey) things I often do is try to look for reason where it's not obvious.

As per my original post I started discussing this confrontation here, more to get some insight into my own issues around this, than to get people to agree with me.

All of the stories made me realise at first that YAY I am not alone. Being alone really kind of sucks, especially when it makes you doubt yourself.

Then I realised A Yeah I can give her back whatever she's sending my way ( but that very soon turned stale, and I don't think any of this was about that for me. Yes it hooked into a nice little adrenaline rush, but it's short term and not so nice. I like being nice, Most of the time.

I then got hit with the ton of bricks. Lanee was definitely wrong when she said she thinks I'm past Arrogance. ( ok she did tell me , me thinking I'm not is just another belief thing and I am creating it by believing it) But the realisation around my (boring) fear of rejection came very organically, and very strangely, and i do believe very validly.It was a true insight into me. I don't get them as often as I think I do.

Friday things where still in a bit of a holding pattern, impass, regarding the whole Facebook religious fight/e-war. I was not at any point to let it go, even though I wanted to. So when my brother sent me a message on Fb saying he is contributing from a religious point of view, and his wife did too, my immediate gut reaction was. SHit, more rejection. I love my Sister in Law. She's like a real sister to me, and she's even been supportive of me taking on this friend of theirs, so it was so hard to swallow.

I read what you said Geraldine, and I though, No.. It's time to grow up and face this head on Elaine. No more self pitying. Deal with it.

So I sent her a message. I lay it all out there. I have never gone out of my way to explain to anyone HOW different my beliefs where to theirs. I never went out and told them exactly what I am NOT. I an Not a Christian.

In my family and the way we're brought up it's like a BIG swear word. It's just not done. WHat I have been doing in the past, is avoiding the issue, consentrating on the similarities in our beliefs, and ignoring the rest.

This whole event in it's entirety forced me to not only be honest with myself about my own issues, but to actually say the words. To spell it out. ( Maybe I was trying to thereby force her and my brother into rejecting me, I don't know) but the results where more than I could have asked for.

I spent friday afternoon with a migrain. I slept, I couldn't wake up. My body didn't want to give my mind anymore chance to go back and forth. My brain just couldn't handle it anymore.

I missed her SMS and phoned her saturday. WOW what a conversation. We discussed the Bible, we discussed religion, we discussed the fact that we had more similarities in essence, than we cared about in terminology, or ideology. It was the most mindblowing discussion.

Later sat I saw one of my few "like-minded" friends, and also told her all I had been going through, so I got the oppertunity to have a sounding board for all of these things running through my head.

Sat night my husband's sister came around. Now she has in the past told me we believe in different God's so I don't talk religion with her. But surprisingly enough she's also accepted that even though we have different belief systems, we do have a lot of similarities in philosophy. We had an intense discussion without once having to use terminology.

Sunday we had another social event at our house. By this time it was all sorted for me, and I was able to have fun, joke with myself and get over myself.

The thing is by yesterday, the fanatic I posted about was still eagerly awaiting my newest response to her challenge, but I had gotten to where I needed to be. I know that when it came to religion and especially the people around me, and how it influenced our relationships, I had been avoiding so many things for so long, I think it was just time I had to be myself. Set myself free, and realise I could still have very interesting learning experiences from those in my life, especially when we believed in such different ways. So I have no need to continue on with the "e-war"

Feeling so unsettled

After my last post this is still continuing. I am being baited into fanatically religious arguments that are completely pointless. I know the power lies with me to end it, so I have taken solid steps, by breaking off contact with the person who is doing the baiting.

I'm still feeling excessively yukky about it though. Trying to figure out what is causing this feeling

1. I reckon there's frustration because I lack the ability to get my point across. But on the other hand there is no attempt at understanding from the Point of View of fanaticism, so I shouldn't be surprised. I'm not surprised though I am frustrated.

2. I feel uncomfortable that I share a world, and a group of friends /family where these kinds of believes thrive, and if you have an opposing POV you are described as a heretic or Blasphemer.
- I guess my my problem here is not easily solved as it is a fact that beliefs differ. I'm just constantly angered by the fact that people would much rather point out the differences than look for the similarities.

3. I just don't know how to think about this anymore, and if I should just ignore it.

I'm probably missing the bigger picture. I have dared to challenge someone's beliefs. They obviously hold it very high in their lives, so what else can I expect other than the retaliation and the attempt at them trying to preserve their beliefs to themselves.

I guess if you need that as a beacon in your life then you will fight tooth and nail to hold onto what you think is true, and deny any possibility that it might not be. The other part that grates me is even now, when debating an issue like this I constantly question my Own beliefs. I constantly look for validation. I constantly try and think of it from another perspective.

Fanaticism, Dogma, and Conspiracy Theories

Last week I happened to hit my head repeatedly against this wall. I guess I find it hard to shut up and not give my opinion when someone publicly announces something as irresponsible as " Did you know that Human rights are against the 10 Commandments?"

"uhmmm No!"

I pointed out to said person, on Facebook that maybe it's a good idea to first look at what Human rights are, before so quickly accepting what some kind of zealot so irresponsibly utters. Of Course she came back with a 100 contradictory "facts" based on conspiracy theories and dogma.

I attempted to still get my point across, respectfully, and be the bringer of an opposing Point of View. I did it Rationally and calmly and respectfully, and after a few of her Fanatical friends joined I could feel the word "satanist" hovering in the background of their thoughts.

It seems they all belong to a branch of the seventh day Adventist church which preaches Conspiracy theories as fact, and watch DVD's etc confirming it. No one questions anything or tries to find validation for anything, because the "church" said it's true then obviously it has to be truth.

The Church decides on it's "only" interpretation from the bible that could possibly make sense, then of course it Has to be the truth. ( sarcasm, for those who don't get it)

What happened to using your own head. Asking the hard questions, making up your own mind, and finding your own validation.

I guess it is a useless battle to fight. Most religious people I know are very well balanced, can think for themselves, and do ask the hard questions. I just don't know why I seem to all of a sudden be surrounded by those who are so Fanatical they would probably drink the cool-aid if the church said to do it.

I feel pain for those people. I feel pain because I know that their lives and their experiences are just as valid as mine, I feel pain because according to what I believe I was obviously also there a couple of lives ago, and I guess I recognise that pain.

The pain of needing someone to tell you what is right and what is wrong and be your light in the dark scary world, where all along, your light is inside yourself, and most of the Darkness created by yourself.

I wish there was anything I could say or do to let them know it's not so dark and evil outside, or inside. I also know that it is mostly futile, and so I am able to move on and not get bogged down in the frustration those kind of debates cause me.

Yay for spiritual evolution, and never having to go back and do that again. And hurray for being able to have a discussion about it, without being killed or jailed, and Viva Human Rights, for giving me freedom to choose.

I wish I could remove this person from my friends list, as she's really not a friend. Unfortunately she is the wife of my brother's best friend, someone I have publicly defended in the past, but obviously didn't know very well. I am always surprised at the extend to which someone like her, who really has everything, beauty, a husband who can provide so she doesn't have to work, financial security, 3 beautiful kids, can suffer so greatly from a lack of self esteem.

I've decided to hide her status though, so I don't have to feel the need to answer any of her zealous posts, and she doesn't feel the need to put my brother in the middle of our debates, which she obviously takes a lot more personally than I mean.