Finding a Place of "Just being"

As we explore ourselves, searching for our own truth. Delving into our own motivations and looking for answers, be it spiritual psychological or religious we can very much start to over think.

I'm a good candidate for that. Over thinking has always been a problem for me, so the only way for me to get past over thinking is to find a position of just being. Not to be passive in my own life, but to be open. To accept lessons and ideas as they come. To experience fully the moment, and to not just get stuck so much in my own head that life passes me by.

I found this Blog post quite resonant.

Being present is being spiritual. Being open and without prejudice will lead you to discovery of this life, yourself and the whole.

I too often find myself unwilling to listen to an opposing Point of view, but I know that each point of view is valid, and I can only grow my own understanding of life, through listening, experiencing, and being. This creates Freedom.

Feeling so unsettled

After my last post this is still continuing. I am being baited into fanatically religious arguments that are completely pointless. I know the power lies with me to end it, so I have taken solid steps, by breaking off contact with the person who is doing the baiting.

I'm still feeling excessively yukky about it though. Trying to figure out what is causing this feeling

1. I reckon there's frustration because I lack the ability to get my point across. But on the other hand there is no attempt at understanding from the Point of View of fanaticism, so I shouldn't be surprised. I'm not surprised though I am frustrated.

2. I feel uncomfortable that I share a world, and a group of friends /family where these kinds of believes thrive, and if you have an opposing POV you are described as a heretic or Blasphemer.
- I guess my my problem here is not easily solved as it is a fact that beliefs differ. I'm just constantly angered by the fact that people would much rather point out the differences than look for the similarities.

3. I just don't know how to think about this anymore, and if I should just ignore it.

I'm probably missing the bigger picture. I have dared to challenge someone's beliefs. They obviously hold it very high in their lives, so what else can I expect other than the retaliation and the attempt at them trying to preserve their beliefs to themselves.

I guess if you need that as a beacon in your life then you will fight tooth and nail to hold onto what you think is true, and deny any possibility that it might not be. The other part that grates me is even now, when debating an issue like this I constantly question my Own beliefs. I constantly look for validation. I constantly try and think of it from another perspective.

All Written out

I think Last weeks hectic posts took it out of me. I'm all written out for now. Playing around with a few ideas in my head that I might share at some point, but right now I might take it slow with writing this week.

I still need to put pen to paper and share the story of Lanee and Arno, but I don't really have the passion needed to give it justice, right now. So forgive me for being quiet this week.

Just coasting along with a feeling of inner peace and hope.

I still get frustrated by day to day niggles, but I think I am making good progress otherwise.

I guess it's not about attaining spiritual enlightenment. It's about staying right in that spiritual center. That's the hard part for me

Right now some of the things I struggle with is friendship, and how much one gives. I tend to go through periods where I will give all to one or two people, and then after a while I back off a bit.

When I was a teenager I had one best friend. We were like sisters. After a series of unfortunate events in her life we where not together any more, and I felt a bit discarded.

I don't feel that any more when I move into and out of relationships with friends, but that same person is in my life again.

I feel an overwhelming love for her, but I know we are very much not on the same page regarding many things. How much do I share? I can't share everything with her any more. There has to be a very set boundary, and sometimes I am tempted to overstep it, in order to experience, once again that childhood sisterhood.

It's not there though. She is very much religious and as you might have noted I am not. When we philosophize in general our belief systems seem so similar, but the moment specifics get discussed, she hits her head against terminology. Looking for differences, in what we believe, while I look for similarities.

So it's slightly sad, and very frustrating, but I don't think we'd ever be that close again. I can't be anyone other than myself, for anyone. She's my husband's sister, and as I am connected to him, I know I am connected to her. Unfortunately we're not even close to the same level, though, so maybe I should just see this as a lesson in boundaries.

It's unfortunate but I still have a lot of fears around sharing my spiritual philosophies with people. Sometimes it seems like their search for truth is similar to mine, and I hope to share something with them, which might make them see some other truth, and visa versa, but I've been through the experience of being branded a Satanist, and being incredibly misunderstood.

Wouldn't it be so much easier if people could just look into my heart and see what's there. We all have dark sides, but knowing your darkness, does not mean you thrive in it. I just don't deny it.

Anyhow I wasn't gonna make a big post now I did.