So many things... so little time

I'm just gonna write and hope you all catch up with me ( my invisible thousands of non-existent readers )

Reminder: I am not a writer.

I struggle to express myself in words. Which makes for difficult communication, but I like to think this will improve with practice.

So this is where I am currently:

1. Had a great holiday ( working on a separate post for that)
2. Have found some really awesome funny people online ( should have their own post)
3. Have even managed to find South Africans who seem like minded ( need to confirm that and will get back to you on it)
4. Have realised I have a horrible memory ( wrote about 10 posts in my head I have forgotten)
5. Learned the value of writing things down in to do lists ( If I don't forget)
6. Have started using Twitter again - https://twitter.com/#!/Psycho_Chocolat - (WARNING not for family members or anyone else easily offended)
7. Have realised I'm getting used to people being pissed off at me, and it's not so bad.

I think I am actually pretty Happy and content at the moment, although life would be so much simpler if I had 5 more hours a day :)

What I would like to address is the Michael Teachings. I have been asked, ( ...mostly by myself I admit) Where do I put a spiritual teaching, and one viewed as pretty New Aged and Wack-a-doodle into my new found level of Agnostic-Atheism.

Is it double standards to keep pointing out to others the silliness of believing in an invisible Daddy in the sky, while I believe in a disembodied entity from beyond who spread's it's superior teachings via various channels? hmmmm Yes. That would be duplicitous. Or two-faced. Or Double Standards

I don't see the M teachings as that anymore. I think a lot of people do still see it as that, and they are free to interpret it to their liking.

I'm starting to rather see most of it as a body of interesting work that explains a lot about human psychology and social interaction. I believe that it comes from a heightened state of concentration brought about by someone going into a super relaxed trance state while channeling.

I like the tone of it. The fact that none of it is supposed to be purely believed without challenge, (Validate Validate Validate) and I like how it has helped me cope with stress, depression and life in general, and relationships in specific.

I'm not sure how I feel about the afterlife parts of it. Right now I would Love to believe in life after this, but I feel it is mostly improbable. That doesn't prevent me from speculating about it.

This is still a Journey to me. I know that religion can also be used for good, but unfortunately lately I see the bad outweighing the good. Even the M-Teachings have been used for power struggles.

Seems someone always wants to be better than someone else. I'll continue thinking about it, and let you know if it all changes for me again.

Coming out

I have been non-religious, non-christian for at least 13 or so years (I struggle to pin it down). It's not something I had been hiding but it's also not something I had been discussing.

I got married in 2003 by a non-denominational "spiritual" person who didn't mention God once in her "talk" lol. My Uncle prayed for everyone afterwards ( I guess he got the clue no one else seemed to have gotten)

Since October 2009 I have been going through a lot of heightened personal growth and a lot of inner self discovery is going on. The Michael Teachings calls it 4th Internal Monad or (IM), and I have talked about that.

It could be seen as a mid life crisis, or a search for self, whatever you want to call it, it has been a very big part of my recent life.

In social situations I usually discuss Childcare or other philosophy, politics mixed with philosophy, theories etc. I don't do much frivolousness. Sadly I've lost friends because of that.

So when I recently had a little chat with my mom about my daughter and how they are just overdoing the Christian thing at school I did not expect the " You don't believe in GOD!!!!! How could you??!!! How DARE you not raise my grandchild in Christian values." hysterical reply.

I was horrified to be honest. I quietly told her I don't think we should discuss this right now, in such an emotional way, that I will respect and always have respected her choices, and just ask the same from her.

In the mean time it seems the trend has spread through my once seemingly tolerant family. The more vocal and honest and open I am about what I say and what I share on Facebook, the more vocal and open they get about their disapproval. I have decided to call myself an Atheist in order to just cut through the crap. Many people seem to think Agnostic means there is hope for them to convert me.

I've been the devout Christian. I have been the doubting Thomas. I'm not anymore. I am fine where I am. Can I have some peace please.

A stab in the heart is receiving the same intolerant treatment from my gay younger brother, who I stood by supported, and comforted when he was scared of being treated with intolerance by our parents and conservative family. Thanx Dude

I'm walking a path here. I don't have all the answers but I am learning what works for me. I guess I will have to find the internal fortitude to withstand these emotional attacks. I do feel stronger than I have in a long time, more hopeful and more positive, even while this is still a stone in my heart.