Long time no post...

I know it's been a long time since I posted. Which generally indicates that I'm feeling okay so no need to vent.

I have become more and more aware of my anxiety issues, and triggers and trying to manage those. Shopping is a HUGE one. I have found myself being okay with general anxiety and managing it unhealthily with smoking. Specific triggers like shopping, and news reports about children being harmed, and bad things happening to people, are harder to manage though.

I try to not read the newspaper, and stay away from triggers, but my dad seems to like reading me the worst stories from the news paper, even though I ask him not to do it. These things stay with me and fester. I start imagining worst case scenario's and everything that can go wrong with my daughter and husband.

I struggle to let it go and work myself into a frenzy. Luckily I have only had to take my Ativan twice in the last 3 months, and I see that as an achievement. It doesn't help much to calm my brain, but relaxes my body, especially when I have actual physical shock reactions to these triggers.

Otherwise things have been okay. Depression is on the back burner, and I generally have more energy. I still need to nap in the afternoons, which I blame on my medication, but I'm succeeding in being as productive as possible in the mornings.

A new school year started for my daughter and I decided to be pro active and write a letter to the school regarding the Bible study issues we had last year, in order for them to make alternative arrangements for her from the get go. So far so good. I'm still waiting for feedback.

I'm very positive about the new teacher though, and hope this year will be more successful than last year. Unfortunately daughter is already having trouble finishing work, which has only been colouring work so far, and I am a bit scared of when the work gets even more. Apparently 2nd grade is a lot more intense that 1st grade, and I think she actually needs to learn some time management skills, but I don't really know where to go for those. Our budget is also very restricted. I'll talk to the teacher about this though, and we'll see what can be arranged at the school.

I'm also gonna keep a close eye on her energy levels seeing as she has quite a few extra mural activities. But I am willing to cut them if needed.

I hope we all have a good 2014.including you all.

Struggling more than I realised with this.

I'm having such a rough time with this. I don't quite know why I am taking this all so badly. To recap, My 6 year old's grade 1 teacher recommended that she be evaluated for ADD, because she is not finishing her work in class.

After talking to the teacher though, I figured out it is more a problem of the relationship between her and the teacher, that has suffered some damage somewhere. 

Things the teacher complains about is that, She shows no emotion, either good or bad in class. And if the teacher in any way asks her to please complete her work she will shut down and refuse to do anything further.

I spoke to the OT at school, and they recommended we do their evaluation first, but then they spoke to the teacher, and she told me that they said she doesn't need OT, from what they saw of her work, and what they discussed with the teacher, and that I should rather take her to a psychologist.

Then my psychologist gave me a very short Connor test to do, and both mine and my husband's test does not show a need to evaluate for ADD. ( I haven't received the teacher's one yet)

So Friday I was convinced I was gonna go for the ADD evaluation ( which is a lot of money) But after doing the Connor's and not getting a high score, I think it will be a waste of time and money.

I've made an extra appointment with my own psychologist for tomorrow, as he is the only one I trust at the moment, to give me straight advice.

But since Friday I have had the most horrible nightmares of my daughter dying, and being kidnapped, and all kinds of horrific things. I wake up crying. I hate feeling like this.

Some of the kids in her class told me Friday that she is very naughty because she had to sit and work at the teachers table, and she is so slow. I feel that she is being bullied, and it feels like my child is being damaged by this situation, and I feel helpless to help her.

I wish someone could just tell me do XYZ, and that will solve the issue

I wrote the teacher an email this morning that she must please just send work that's not completed Home, so I can see if she also struggles to finish at home. And that I believe the reason she is emotionally withdrawn in class is because she feels victimized by the other children, and that kids withdraw emotionally as a protection mechanism.

When does it become a problem?

I have been going through a difficult time because of some issues surrounding my daughter.

Her Grade 1 teacher emailed me last week to say that my daughter has not done any of her work. She is so slow she is more than an hour behind everyone else in class. And the worst is she's not bothered by this.

I then sent her a mail back, saying I don't quite know how to address this. I have noticed that she gets bored quickly at home. She usually goes from one thing to the next without finishing one thing. Although on the other hand, when she is interested in something, like painting a picture, she sticks with it till the end.

The teacher then came back to me saying that she thinks I should take her to the pediatrician to be evaluated for ADD. 

I was a bit taken aback, shocked and a little bit pissed off. 

I know she is a very active child, but we do so well at home with routine. She's happy exuberant, playful, active and sporty. Yes, if she isn't interested in something she doesn't want to do it, and she particularly hates to write, she won't do it, or it will take a lot of persuasion to get her to do it. I have no idea why she all of a sudden hates writing, because last year it was the only thing she wanted to do..

So I had a little freak out. Got a lot of advice from people on Facebook. Called some people, and read up a bit. The Occupational therapist said that before they even consider something like ADD, they have a ton of other things to evaluate for, and they will do that. So we're going with them first.

Then if they recommend it, or if problems are still there then we need to think about getting an evaluation from a Child Psychiatrist.

Then today I went to speak to the teacher face to face, and a lot of things came out. The biggest problem for her is not that my daughter is slow with her work. It is that if she comments in any way about her not finishing her work on time she just stops working, and without showing any emotion she will just not do anything.

After a long chat about how we discipline at home, compared to what happens at school I've actually come to the conclusion that somewhere the relationship between my daughter and her teacher suffered. It's gotten to a point where she might have lost trust in her teacher, and might feel that it doesn't matter if she works hard, teacher is not giving her the attentions she wants for it. Or that she is craving the negative attention from her teacher.

Whatever it is, I think there's a long hard road ahead for us at the moment. Deep down I know that it is possible for her to have some attention issues, with her dad and me and our issues, that's a huge possibility. But I'm also confident that most of her current problems can be sorted out behaviourally, and that medication is not a necessity right now.