Do you often get the idea time is running out? I get a fright every time I realise how old I am (36) I get a fright because I don't own a house, I'm not financially independent, and I've not saved up for my old age.
I feel guilty because I have obviously wasted time somewhere. It's not like I've partied away my life either, it's just that for most of it I have been frozen in fear.
I guess it;s the fear of failure. The fear of making the wrong choice. So I try to rather make no choice which leads to stuckness.
I started touching on the issue of choice in a pretty superficial dissection of my thoughts about it back in September last year in "All Is Choice part 1"
At that time my thought processes were much different that they are now. My beliefs were different. I was convinced of some kind of supernatural aspect to life, which I'm not at the moment.
Back then I still believed that "everything happens for a reason"
I find no universal reason, truth or meaning anymore. I've been disillusioned. Which just means my illusions have dissipated.
So the issue of choice, in this only one life, in this usually cruel and senseless world, where things don't always happen for a reason, becomes even more important. We sometimes forget we do have a choice. We unconsciously make a choice to not choose. It feels safer in our comfort zones, no matter how unhappy we are in there.
I fear making the wrong choice. Shortly after I started this blog I gave myself permission to change my mind. I seemed to have forgotten about that. It was such a relief at the time. Now I need to give myself permission to be wrong.
Mistakes happen. We can make the wrong choice, and sometimes we can fix it, and sometimes we can't. It's time for me to try and keep that in perspective and save what I can of this life. What a waste of a perfectly good existence to watch it pass away stuck in fear, and too scared to live it.
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