Losing a Favourite

I don't know about you guys, but I have quite a few sentimental favourites from my younger days. Be it music, movies, books that I loved with a passion when I found it the first time, and some of it I still love today. But every once in a while you re-read a book, or re-watch a movie and thing "What was I thinking"

I guess this has to do with growing up, gaining experience in the world and maturing tastes.

I used to really love Dean Koontz as a fluffy fun read. I'd read some heavy exhausting books in between, but always returned to Mr Koontz. It felt comfortable, reassuring, and fun in his world.  His bad guys were really bad and the good guys were good. But the good always triumphed, in some way, and that was enough for me.

When I met my husband he had such a huge Dean Koontz and Stephen King collection, that I sometimes tease and say I married him for his books.

So what happened?

For the first time in about 7 years I picked up a Dean Koontz book. 77 Shadow street. I'm about 2/3rd s through and am still waiting for an original sentence. 

The characters are one dimensional.  The same crop of characters he always writes. He has every bad guy and every good guy he's ever come up with in one book, but it's still the same ones that he wrote about in other books.

Nothing new happens, but now it is thrown in with a healthy dose of sappiness  and pseudo spiritualism and refutable creationist philosophy . I'm struggling through this book, and wondering what did I ever see in his books? Why did I always look forward to reading a new Dean Koontz. I'm too scared to re-read an old favourite and find out it was always like this, and I just never saw it. Now it's corny and depressingly monotonous. 

I guess we sometimes grow out of our favourites when we grow. I'm gonna miss this one, but this is the last Dean Koontz book I will ever read. I'm a bit sad, but looking forward to new favourites.

It seems that unlike King, he has been stuck in the same formula for so long he just can't grow and come up with new ideas. The only change is the pseudo spiritualism is becoming more and more blatant and in your face. 

No Mr Koontz I am not a bad person just because I choose to put my faith in science instead of myth. There is more to people and life than your one dimensional portrayal of them. There is more to Good and Evil than that. 

In the black and white of the unforgiving Dean R Koontz universe, there is no space for the many facets of grey in this world. It saddens me to know that I'll never be able to curl up and enjoy one of his books again.

The painful truth of it

I'm trying to name this exact mood I'm in right now. It's on the low side. It's quite tired, a bit numb, but has all the negative self talk.

It's not completely out of control but it's there.

I don't like this particular one.

I know the why of it.

It's hard not to feel this way when, like me, you have had to count penny's for so long you forget what it is like to have enough.

I'm exhausted. It's not something people want to talk about, and it is not something I feel comfortable talking about but we have been living from hand to mouth, and scraping by on pure luck, for so long now.

The unpredictability of my financial situation has a huge influence on my mood. When I have R200 in the bank, and no idea when I will be able to get more, and trying to think how do I make that stretch for as long as possible. Where will I get school fee's from this month? How will I afford my medication, my daughter's medication? Do I buy Petrol or electricity? That's when it is impossible for me to feel upbeat, happy and positive.

It's impossible to explain to anyone without sounding like a charity case though, so I underplay it. I've been trying really hard to work for myself, build up a client base and move forward, but it is happening too slowly.

When do I give up?

I might be there now. I'm sick and tired of living in complete poverty when I have spent 3 years studying, worked my arse off, and am intelligent enough to not be in this situation. What is it that I am missing.

What part of my personality is so flawed that I can't financially sustain us?

I will try for this mood to not get too low, but I know I have no control over it. Unless finances improve it's gonna stick around. And that has nothing to do with Bipolar disorder. No medication helps for a shitty life.

Books: A Song of Ice and Fire

Also Known as A Game of Thrones, the series A Song of Ice and Fire, has grabbed my attention, and got me hanging onto Mr George R.R. Martin's every word.

If you missed the TV series which started in 2011, go check it out.
The series, A Song of Ice and Fire currently consists of 5 books, and are awaiting 2 to be finished. The first book was released in 1996, and book 5, A Dance with Dragons was released in 2011, but you can find all the details on wikipedia

I had the first 3 eBooks in my extensive eBook library, and picked up book 1 a couple of times, and just couldn't get past page 3 or 4.

I had been struggling since stopping smoking with concentration issues, so it didn't surprise me much. It also just couldn't hook me, even though it starts off in a very gripping way.

Then I saw the series, not knowing it was the same story, but realising half way through that this looks like it is based on a book. Ta Daaa. So after watching both seasons of Game of Thrones this year I decided to challenge myself and pick up A Game of Thrones to see if I could get through it.

It was a difficult choice for the first book to read since my concentration issues reared their ugly heads, but it has been quite a worthwhile journey. Book one and two followed the series, which made it a lot easier to keep track of the multitude of characters and intrigues, and divergent story lines. These are not simple books. They are rich in texture, and filled with a lot of information, but worth the immersion.

By Book 3 I could not put it down, even though I still struggle with attention issues from time to time, I was completely hooked and started dreading reaching the end of book 5 and having to wait for Mr Martin to catch up with writing.

Well I'm busy with Book 5 now, and I am trying to savour every moment. It is tough when one grows so accustomed to a set of characters, to then face losing them as part of your life. I always get a little sad when I finish a series in this way. Harry Potter was the same

One feels a bit like you are drifting and unable to go straight to another book, as you'd be cheating.
So I will sadly finish the series so far, in a couple of days, and I hope Mr Martin will be inspired to finish the next 2 books in super fast time, even though I appreciate that a tour de force of this nature will take a lot of time and effort,

What books do you not want to finish and live without?